“And He took with Him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and He began to be sorrowful and deeply distressed. Then He said to them, “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch with Me.” He went a little farther and fell on His face, and prayed, saying, “O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.” Matthew 26:37-39
These verses have been playing in my mind for several weeks now. As I spent time meditating on the darkest chapter of Jesus’ life, I turned my eyes inward. I began measuring my responses to difficulties against Jesus’ responses to difficulties. I saw a distinct pattern of resistance to the trials I face. One trial stands out above the others. This trial in particular also reminded me of God’s faithfulness. Allow me to take you for a walk through that season so I can demonstrate the blatant display of God’s loving care over us even when we didn’t understand His plan.
If ever God had blindsided us with His generosity it was when He handed us this blessing. The year was 2009, and my husband and I had just moved into our new home. It is nestled into 105 woodland acres. We have a breathtaking view of a gorgeous valley just outside our window. The surrounding forest is alive with the chattering activity of the many creatures that live there. In the quiet serenity of this place it is easy to connect with God.
The process to purchase and build our home took two years. Since this project was so large in scale, we drenched everything we did in prayer. Then we watched with amazement as God miraculously opened impossible doors and made a way that astounded everyone in close range. God opened the heavens and the rain of His favor soaked us in His blessings. It was a tremendously humbling experience that left us feeling both elated and completely unworthy.
Exactly three months and nine days after we moved in, a phone call changed everything. The devastation in Kevin’s voice was overwhelming. “I lost my job.”
Can you imagine the financial dilemma? We had a brand new mortgage that was substantially higher than our previous mortgage. We had debt to clean up from the building project, and my husband’s livelihood was suddenly taken away.
At the time the recession tore through the manufacturing industry. As a result I watched my husband slip in and out of employment for seven long years. Comforting and reassuring him was one of my highest priorities, but it was also one of my greatest challenges, a challenge I faced while I dealt with uncertainty on a daily basis. Those were hard times.
As devastated as we were, we made some solid decisions. We determined that regardless of our financial situation, we would continue tithing no matter the cost. We also had a very active prayer life. Our prayers were heartfelt and raw. A desperate heart takes nothing for granted. In those difficult times we hung on every word that God said.
In the midst of the trauma and complications we faced, something began to shift inside. Quiet temperance. Fine-tuned discernment. Wisdom. A growing knowledge of who God is. Suddenly our faith began to rise. God was changing the bedrock of our souls and maturing us into hearty children of faith. Thin-skinned Christianity was thickening into righteous armor. Our hearts were being transformed into the likeness of Jesus. It was truly miraculous! Something so beautiful was born out of something so difficult.
Which leads me to this month’s text. In Matthew 26 Jesus stared in the face of trauma in the Garden of Gethsemane. Because He was fully man He endured the whole gamut of every dark emotion possible. He cried before God. He poured His heart out. Jesus tasted fear.
And in His distress He made a request. He asked God to remove the trial before Him. I remember asking the same thing millions of times. But even in the deep recesses of Jesus’ distress, the most wondrous utterance trickled from His lips. “Not as I will, but as You will.” Jesus put God’s desire before His own. The Father’s heart meant everything to Jesus. Ultimately His request was denied and He faced the cross following the Father’s plan for salvation. Something so beautiful was born out of something so difficult.
This month we will celebrate the Savior’s birth. While the manger story is largely romanticized, it’s important to remember that Jesus’ birth was anything but romantic. In fact, Jesus entered the world in the middle of difficult circumstances. And that was only the beginning. His years in active ministry were layered in trials. Yet His mantra was consistently “Thy will be done.”
In the spirit of giving this holiday season, can I make a suggestion? Embrace “Thy will be done” as a precious gift to God our Father. No matter what life brings remember that truly, truly the hardest trials are the gateway to God’s richest blessings.
Having come through our trial there is so much that I miss about that difficult season. The raw humility I experienced is deeply precious to me. Jesus became so much more to me than the Savior I learned about at church. I came to know Him in a tangible way and honestly, I don’t think that would have happened if I hadn’t endured that trial. Raw humility is so beautiful. I’d endure that trial again and again to have a tangible relationship with Jesus.
Father, help us to trust You completely with the circumstances of our lives. When the storms of life blow, ground us in Your love. In the seasons of favor may we not be desensitized to Your many blessings. And in all things may we seek Your will over our own knowing that Your ways are always right. May our response be “Yes and amen.”
